Spoiler Alert! Seriously, when you get done reading this, you probably will not want to bother with the movie.

I got the movie Buried from blockbuster mostly out of curiousity. How were they going to make a 20-30 minute supply of air last 2 hours. My curiousity only got stronger when the movie started out with Ryan Reynolds already buried. And somehow, the people that were mean enough to bury him were nice enough to bury him with a cell phone, a lighter, glow sticks, a pen, and a flask? Curiouser and Curiouser.

So, he’s buried alive and he doesn’t know where.
Things can’t get much worse.
He can’t seem to get ahold of anyone that will help him or believe him and his wife won’t answer the phone.
He’s having to use a lighter to see and that is using up some of his oxygen.
Surely things can’t get much worse.
A snake is able to get into the “coffin” with him.
His pen doesn’t write very well.
He has spotty cellular phone coverage.
His phone battery is almost dead.
Things can’t possibly get much worse.
The terrorists let him know that the woman in his convoy will be killed if he doesn’t cut off his finger and send them videos of it so they can air them and ransom him.
After he makes the video, the military is mad at him because he’s fueling the kidnappings.
Seriously? How can things get much worse?
He should be running out of air.
The company he’s working for call him to let him know that he’s been fired as of that morning for fraternizing with the woman who by this point is dead which is against company policy so his family is going to get no life insurance after he’s dead.
They were just coworkers and her family is out of luck also AND his wife is going to be told he’s been cheating on her.
The military bombs the town he’s near, so the coffin is now leaking sand and he’s going to suffocate.
And all the guys that know where he’s buried are now dead.
Then, just in nick of time, it seems that he’s miraculously going to be rescued!
Nope. Wrong guy. They’ve found a different American buried in the desert and RR dies. nice.

I have now realized that just when you think you’re buried alive in the desert and things can’t be any worse? They totally totally can.

SPOILER ALERT!
Seriously, if you haven’t seen the movie, please stop reading now and come back after you’ve seen it because it is really good and I don’t want to ruin it for you!

The Lessons:
1. If you cheat on your spouse, you die.
2. So does your kid.
3. So does your lover.
4. Casinos are a good place to pick up life threatening viruses.
5. Wash your hands and don’t touch your face.
6. Never thank a chef for a lovely meal…especially in a foreign country.
7. In case of an epidemic, it is better to live in the country than the city where people are stealing from each other, shooting one another, and touching surfaces.
8. Yes, it is a little scarey to have someone with a hacking cough in the theater and no, I’m not sure if it was real or meant to make everyone more nervous.
9. And lastly, the part of this movie that I found unbelievable was the idea that someone was cheating on Matt Damon.

Women that left the theater with me and headed straight to the bathroom were doing really serious jobs of washing their hands. This movie is one heck of a PSA.

I watched After.Life recently. I did not care for it. at. all.

What I expected was a thriller where Justin Long swooped in at the last minute to save the girl (Christina Ricci) from the bad guy (Liam Neeson).

What I got was a completely depressing movie. The saga begins its downhill spiral when Justin is trying to propose to Christina and she keeps interrupting him and saying he’s dumping her. UGH! She drives off in a huff and ends up having a car accident. Still predictable if a little frustraing. She turns up at the funeral home where Liam is trying to convince her she’s dead.
So I figure, either she’s dead. no harm no foul, Liam’s a little creepy, but the harm is done.
or b. she’s alive and we’ve got about an hour and half for Justin to cowboy up.

She wasn’t dead and Justin managed to NOT save her. She realizes she’s alive RIGHT before Liam gives her a paralytic so she’ll look dead at her funeral and wake up already buried alive. nice.

In addition to that, Liam tells drunk Justin that she was buried alive (as suspected) and he proceeds to drive drunk and end up on Liam Neeson’s table getting stabbed in the lung. really?!?

In addition to THAT, Liam convinces one of Christina’s young students that saw her alive in a window that he can see dead people and that he needs to assist Liam help people go into the light, so now we’ve got a new mini-psycho running around. super.

IN ADDITION TO THAT, Liam had given her a chance to walk out of his crazy house, but she thought she was dead (courtesy of some funk zombie mirror Liam had) so she doesn’t go and says it is easier to be dead. Liam evidently has some thoughts that people are stuck in rutts like walking dead anyway and he’s just putting them out of their misery. come on! This made me wish for a simple ax murderer! I don’t want a live your life to the fullest lecture in the middle of my thriller! Justin should have planted a crow bar in Liam’s forehead….or used the lung puncture thingy on him or at the very least drive your car through his front door. WHERE is the kid from Live Free or Die Hard? Let’s be honest; I could have been a huge fan of this movie because it was really well done and Justin Long is cute and all the naked CR totally motivated me to do my Jillian workout video. BUT, I cannot get behind a movie with a craptastic ending! Next time, I see a movie written by Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo & Paul Vosloo & Jakub Korolczuk, I’m going to pass.